Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes 2024 Free Download

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Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes

Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes: Hello Everyone, First we wish you Merry Christmas 2024 you and your family. Everyone loves to sing we wish you a merry Christmas and we know you are too excited for this season as well. There is no denying that the craze of Christmas across the world is witnessed every time sky high.

For the past two years the celebrations were limited due to Covid 19 but this year the celebrations once again resume for which they are known worldwide. This year people are gearing up and leaving no stone unturned to make the holy season memorable. To add more excitement this season here we penned down some beautiful lines which you can use as we wish you a merry Christmas.

Christmas is a time of joy and warmth, surrounded by the love of family members and spending some quality time with friends. The holy festival is a symbol of spreading love, peace, and happiness all around. Each year families get together; some visit their friends and indulge in memorable parties to celebrate the birth of Lord Jesus Christ. On this beautiful season we wish you a Merry Christmas 2024, make some memorable moments.

The worldwide celebration season, Christmas festivities approaching near, and the craze among people around the world can be seen as quite awesome as usual. People leave no stone unturned to make this season memorable one of the year.

It’s time to spread the vibes of peace, kindness, and happiness all around. At Christmas, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, let’s keep in mind the truth of Christmas Day. For it is not the Christmas wrappings nor the gifts that lie within, but our gift of love to others in every way. So on this auspicious occasion, take the time to write some beautiful Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for everyone to bring a large smile to their faces.

If you’re struggling with what to say and how to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, you can find the right words on this list. Here we present you with some Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes on the holiday season for all your loved ones.

Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes

”A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Melanie White
”There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Conan O’Brien
”One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” — Grace Kriley
”A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
”From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist, it would be necessary to invent it.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! – Katharine Whitehorn
”Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy.’” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Robert Paul
“The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Bill Vaughan
“There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Milton Berle
“It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Jimmy Kimmel
“‘Mistletoe,’ said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry’s head. He jumped out from under it. ‘Good thinking,’ said Luna seriously. ‘It’s often infested with nargles.’” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — J.K. Rowling
“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Robert Paul
“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — P.J. O’Rourk
“One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.” — Louis C.K.
“This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Anthony Jeselnik
“I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, ‘Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.’ The paper I used said, ‘Happy Birthday.’ I didn’t want to waste it, so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Demetri Martin
“I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” — Steven Wright
“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Anonymous
“My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.” — Dave Barry
“I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Earthman Adam
“Of course Santa is dead. You force a guy to eat a billion cookies in one night, what do you think is going to happen?” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Jimmy Kimmel
“People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks?” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
“More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Linda Sunshine
“Christmas is always a problem to the man who has to convince his kids that there is a Santa Claus, and his wife that there isn’t.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Evan Esar
“At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Robert Godden
“The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Robert Rivers
“You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Kate Summers
“I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always get too tired and fall asleep from eating all his cookies while waiting for him. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Theodore W. Higginsworth
“Santa’s reindeer get around so fast because they have athletes feet. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Kids Sure Are Funny
“Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! Dave Barry
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys not included.’” — Bernard Manning
“Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” — Garrison Keillor
“Dear Santa, before I explain, how much do you know already?” — Unknown
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
“It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
“Once you stop believing in Santa, you get underwear for Christmas.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
“You know what I got for Christmas? Fat.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” — Unknown
“Dear Santa, I was framed.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
“Single all the way.” — Unknown
“Sleigh all day, then cabernet.” — Unknown
“Santa Clause wears a red suit. He must be a communist. And long hair. He must be a pacifist. What’s in that pipe he’s smoking?” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Arlo Guthrie
“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” — Stephen Jones
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even if you’re home.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Carol Nelson
“I just want to be rich enough to buy enough ornaments to cover more than one side of the tree.” — Charlotte Christmas
“I wish we could put some of our Christmas spirit in jars and open one up every month.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
“Let’s get lit.” — Unknown
“Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Larry Wilde

Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends

Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends: The season of caring and sharing is here now, it’s time to get together and enjoy the special time of the year with some magical memories. Hope, all your decorations and wrapping of gifts are almost done now. Sending Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends also the most important aspect of this get-together occasion.

So if you are thinking what to write on Christmas greeting cards for your family and friends then check out our collection below. There is always something special about Christmas The end of the year, the excitement of setting up the Christmas tree and the curiosity about the wrapped gifts, family coming together & the wait for snow. A crucial aspect of Christmas, as in the case of any festival, is wishing each other the best, here check out some beautiful collections of Merry Christmas wishes for family.

The Christmas festive season is a source of joy, happiness, and enthusiasm. The season is known for hope and peace as well where people pray for everyone. The holy fest marks the birth of Jesus and people around the world visit Churches to seek the Lord Jesus Christ’s blessings.

Christmas is a time to reconnect with all your dear ones. From parties to outings and more, people take full advantage of the long festive celebrations across the world. Send your Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends to add extra cheers to their celebrations.

Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes

I hope Santa leaves you plenty of presents, but I hope the reindeer do not leave behind any “presents” on your lawn! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
I wish for your holidays to be filled with many big smiles and big celebrations – but hopefully not big credit card bills! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
For some, the best part of Christmas happens…. when it’s all over! Wishing you a stress-free Christmas season! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
May you have plenty of mistletoe on hand this Christmas… and lots of good kisses too! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
They say the best Christmas gifts come from the heart… but cash and gift cards do wonders too! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
I’ve never decked the halls and I have no idea what Jingle Bell rock is. But I hope your Christmas rocks! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
It’s the most wonderful season indeed – until everything has to be cleaned up, and the credit card bill arrives. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
If I were to re-write the “12 Days of Christmas,” I would include things like chocolate, cocktails, and fancy dinners instead of French hens and turtle doves. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
It seems that the Christmas season keeps getting earlier each year. If it gets any earlier, Halloween is going to feel offended. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Sometimes I feel like I should leave my Christmas decorations up all year; it seems that by the time I take them down, it’s time to put them back up again!irp] Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
I wonder how Santa celebrates Christmas day. After the late-night shift he pulls, I bet he stays in bed all day and does nothing. Sounds nice. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
It must be hard living in the North Pole like Santa Claus. I can’t imagine living in a place where there’s no pizza delivery! Hope your X-mas delivers some happiness! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Christmas is the only time of year when I buy nuts, and it’s the only time of year I feel like I may go nuts. May you keep your sanity this holiday season! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Happy holidays! May your egg nog contain enough rum to get you through the Christmas season!
As I child I loved the taste of fresh, white snow. After trying some yellow snow first, I found the white snow to be much, much better. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Merry Christmas! May Santa fill your stocking with winning lottery tickets! Hope you holiday season is a winner! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Santa can definitely do some pretty amazing things. But I really wish he could make “late fees” disappear off of bills. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Instead of presents, I wish Santa would lend me an elf for a year. I’m pretty sure I could find enough things for him to fix, build, or clean for an entire year! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Merry Christmas! May you receive presents that make you happy – and not fruit cake and ugly Christmas sweaters. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
I love Christmas, but I am glad it comes just once a year. Otherwise, I’d definitely turn into a major Grinch! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Happy holidays! May you have plenty of coffee and caffeinated drinks to get you through the Christmas season! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
This holiday season I think I will donate my bathroom scale. that way I won’t be weighed down with guilt going into the new year! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
May the calories of Christmas disappear by the New Year. Happy holidays! Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
I love the holidays. But sometimes I could use a little less “Jingle Bells” and a little more “Silent Night”. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Happy Holidays! May there be plenty of sales and coupons wherever you go to do your Christmas shopping. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
This time of year so many get concerned about eating too many calories. Therefore, I will gladly take any unwanted Christmas cookies. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Christmas dinners are the best. While I may not be the greatest at cooking, I am pretty good at eating! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Happy Holidays! May you be able to participate in the activities of the Christmas season rather than the flu season! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Merry Christmas! Santa is giving you the gift of a frigid winter – but just for a few more months! Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
Happy Holidays! May your electricity remain on and your plumbing work the entire season! (And I hope reading this doesn’t make you all flushed!)
Merry Christmas! May the lines at the stores you shop at be short, and may your patience be long this holiday season! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Merry X-mas! May you be surrounded by jolly elves – and not nasty grinches- this holiday season!
We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas and a debt-free New Year! Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
My Christmas wish for you this year is simple: with all you are going to consume over the holidays, I hope your digestive system can handle it like a champ. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Happy Holidays! May the magic of Christmas still be with you when you open your next credit card bill. Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Happy Holidays! May all your decorative lights be in working order this season. I hope your Christmas is bright!
Merry Christmas! May you not lose any packages in the mail this holiday season. (And may they be delivered on time too!) Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
Merry Christmas! I hope Santa brings you presents – and not sickness – this holiday season!

Merry Christmas 2024 Short Funny Wishes

“Santa called. He wants his cookies back!” Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
“Merry Christmas! May your Internet speed be fast and your Wi-Fi never lag.”
“Dear Santa, I can explain…” Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
“Christmas: The only time of the year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.”
“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear!”
“Merry Christmas! I hope your holiday is filled with laughter, joy, and slightly less awkward family gatherings.” Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
“All I want for Christmas is… you to make dinner.”
“Christmas is a race to see which gives out first: your money or your feet.”
“Merry Christmas! May your eggnog be spiked and your hangover mild.”
“I hope Rudolph eats the naughty list.” Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.”
“Dear Santa, define ‘nice.'”
“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.”
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick… even when you’re home.”
“Merry Christmas! Remember, calories don’t count during the holidays.”
“It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.”
“Merry Christmas! May your presents be plentiful and your regifts unrecognizable.”
“Santa Claus has the right idea—visit people only once a year.”
“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to read the credit card statement in January!”
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”
“Merry Christmas! Time to get into the holiday spirits—gin, vodka, rum…”
“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”
“Dear Santa, please don’t mix up the laundry detergent with the snow powder again.”
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.”
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the green.”
“Merry Christmas! Time to get your tinsel in a tangle.”
“Remember, Santa is watching. So don’t screw up.”
“Merry Christmas! May your family be functional and your batteries be included.”
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”
“Santa told me you’ve been very good this year. I told him it was just a lack of opportunity.”

Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes Messages

“Merry Christmas! Time to get into the holiday spirits—gin, vodka, rum…”
“Santa called. He wants his cookies back!”
“Dear Santa, I can explain…”
“Christmas: The only time of the year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.”
“Merry Christmas! May your Internet speed be fast and your Wi-Fi never lag.”
“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear!”
“All I want for Christmas is… you to make dinner.”
“Christmas is a race to see which gives out first: your money or your feet.”
“Merry Christmas! May your eggnog be spiked and your hangover mild.”
“I hope Rudolph eats the naughty list.”
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.”
“Dear Santa, define ‘nice.'” Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick… even when you’re home.”
“Merry Christmas! Remember, calories don’t count during the holidays.”
“It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.”
“Merry Christmas! May your presents be plentiful and your regifts unrecognizable.”
“Santa Claus has the right idea—visit people only once a year.”
“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to read the credit card statement in January!”
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”
“Merry Christmas! Time to get your tinsel in a tangle.”
“Remember, Santa is watching. So don’t screw up.”
“Merry Christmas! May your family be functional and your batteries be included.”
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”
“Dear Santa, please don’t mix up the laundry detergent with the snow powder again.”
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.”
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the green.”
“Merry Christmas! Time to get your jingle on.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“I told Santa you were good this year… and he hasn’t stopped laughing since!”
“Merry Christmas! Just remember, you’re not completely useless—you can always be used as a bad example.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear… unless you’re a terrible singer.”
“Santa saw your Facebook posts. Now you’re on the naughty list.” Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Quotes!!
“Christmas is the only time of year where you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.”
“Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Mostly. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own presents.”
“Christmas is like a job: you do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.”
“Merry Christmas! May your fun be large and bills be small.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“I would say all I want for Christmas is you, but I really would love a new credit card as well!”
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be as bright as your Christmas tree lights.”
“Why was the math book sad during Christmas? It had too many problems.”
“Merry Christmas! You’re never too old to peek at your presents.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“I hope your Christmas is as merry as a fat guy’s after dinner nap.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! Remember, what happens under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe.”
“All I want for Christmas is you… and maybe some new clothes, a car, and a house.”
“Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be wrapped in happiness and tied with a big bow of laughter.”
“Santa has the right idea: Visit people only once a year.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be filled with laughter and your stocking full of goodies.”
“Remember, Christmas is the season of giving… which means I’m expecting a lot from you!”
“Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year. Mostly. Well, okay, sometimes. Alright, I’ll just buy my own stuff.”
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be filled with laughter, joy, and slightly less awkward family gatherings.”
“Santa knows when you are sleeping; he knows when you’re awake. If you want to impress him, he also accepts bribes.”
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be full of warmth and happiness, but not so warm that you burn the Christmas cookies.”
“Dear Santa, just leave your credit card under the tree.”
“Why do Christmas trees love knitting? They always drop their needles.”
“Merry Christmas! May you be surrounded by love and not by the calories from Christmas treats.”
“Santa has the right idea—visit people only once a year.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your gifts be many and your returns few.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“I hope your Christmas is as merry as a fat man’s after dinner nap.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? Because he has private elf care.”
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be full of fun, laughter, and good old-fashioned family drama.”
“Dear Santa, please define ‘good.'”
“Merry Christmas! I hope your holiday is filled with joy, laughter, and lots of chocolate.”
“Santa Claus has the right idea: Visit people only once a year.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.”
“Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Okay, most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own presents.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be wrapped in joy and filled with laughter.”
“Christmas is the time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.”
“Merry Christmas! May your holidays be as merry and bright as your Christmas lights.”
“What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be filled with joy and your credit card bills be small.”
“Dear Santa, please don’t forget my gifts this year. I’ve been good-ish.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your holidays be full of joy, your presents be many, and your regifts unrecognizable.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Why did Santa go to music school? So he could improve his wrapping skills!”
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be as bright and happy as your smile.”
“Remember, what happens under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe.”
“Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy the festive season as much as I enjoy annoying you.”
“Why was the math book sad during Christmas? It had too many problems.”
“Merry Christmas! May your eggnog be spiked and your hangover mild.”
“Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be full of cheer and devoid of fruitcake.”
“Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him.”
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be full of joy and laughter, and may all your troubles be light.”
“What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be as bright and joyful as you make my life.”
“Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? Because he has private elf care.”
“Merry Christmas! I hope you get everything you want and then some.”
“Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Okay, some of the time. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be filled with laughter, joy, and a little bit of mischief.”
“Why do Christmas trees love knitting? They always drop their needles.”
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be filled with love and your heart be full of joy.”
“Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot’s him.”
“Merry Christmas! I hope your holiday season is filled with as much laughter as your jokes.”
“What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!” Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes for Friends!!
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be bright and your smile even brighter.”
“Dear Santa, please don’t mix up the laundry detergent with the snow powder again.”
“Merry Christmas! May your holidays be as merry and bright as your Christmas lights.”
“Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital? Because he has private elf care.”
“Merry Christmas! May your holiday be wrapped in joy and filled with laughter.”

Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes

Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes: Christmas is almost here! The season of mistletoe, candy canes, visits from Santa, decorating trees, and visiting with family. All of this means you will end up with so many amazing Christmas photos and need equally amazing and preferably funny captions because we think that when it comes to Merry Christmas Funny Quotes captions are the best.

We have scoured the internet for the Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes including funny Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes, short witty Christmas captions, and funny Christmas card captions.

So whether you are putting up the Christmas lights, decorating your tree, mixing the perfect Christmas drink, or looking forward to Santa’s visit you will find the perfect funny caption about Christmas here.

100+ Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes

“I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, ‘So does the guy I stole it from.’” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — David Letterman
”Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Gary Allan
”I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Maya Angelou
”The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” — Johnny Carson
”Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” — Samantha Bee
”It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”— Milton Berle
“Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Charles M. Schulz
”We celebrate the birth of one who told us to give everything to the poor by giving each other motorized tie racks.” — Bill McKibben
“It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Craig Ferguson
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Henny Youngman
”Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” — Stephen Fry
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Victor Borge
”The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
“I don’t know what to say, but it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” — National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz
“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. — Winston Spear
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” — Bob Phillips
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Shirley Temple
“It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Bill Murray
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Johnny Carson
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Phyllis Diller
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Bart Simpson
“You can’t fool me—there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Chico Marx
“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Ellen Degeneres
“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Jay Leno
“There’s something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Kristen Wiig
“I grew up on a Christmas Tree Farm so this is a good season for me. I was too young to help with the hauling of the trees up the hills and putting them onto cars. So, it was my job to pull the praying mantis pods off of the Christmas trees. The problem with that is if you leave them on there, people bring them into their house. I forgot to check one time and they hatched all over these people’s house—and there were hundreds of thousands of them!” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Taylor Swift
“I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Eloisa James
“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’” ― Dave Barry
“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” — Melanie White
Christmas is such a carefree, low-pressure time—that’s one of the things I love about it. — Stephen King
“‘White Christmas’ is the ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ of Christmas songs.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! ― Stewart Stafford
“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” — Elf
“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.” — Bridger Winegar
“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer…. Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? ” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! ― Bill Watterson
“Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Melanie White
“Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.” — Jimmy Fallon
“I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. And that’s just not enough. — Bridger Winegar.
“This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Guy Endore Kaiser
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Kin Hubbard
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.” — Don Marquis
“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.” — Frank McKinney Hubbard
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” — Andy Borowitz
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” — Unknown
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Larry Wilde
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Jerry Seinfeld
”The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Elf
”Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your money or your feet.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Unknown
”Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White
”The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!! — Julius Sharpe

Funny Merry Christmas 2024 Instagram Captions

You know it’s Christmas when your wallet is empty but your heart is full
Christmas cheer? I thought I heard Christmas beer.
My fat pants are ready. Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
Dear big, fat, judgmental jerk, I just want to tell you that I’ve been naughty this year and it was all worth it! Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
My presence is really the only gift you need. Merry Christmas!
All spruced up and ready to jingle the night away
Getting more lit than the Christmas tree
Bah, humbug! Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
You can find us under the mistletoe. Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
All I want for Christmas is you… and cookies… and hot chocolate
Rockin’ each other’s Christmas socks. Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
What happens under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe
Hope you enjoy this “elfie” from us. Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
No lying… We’ve been more naughty than nice!
If kisses were snowflakes, we’d be having a blizzard!
We go together like hot chocolate and marshmallows
This one had me at “ho ho ho”! Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
Merry Christmas! Now, excuse us while we head back to the mistletoe
Your presents is requested. Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture. Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
A mistle-toast to the holiday season
But wait—there’s myrrh. Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name
I love you from head to mistletoe
It’s the most wine-derful time of the year
Oh, deer.
Yule be sorry.
The Christmas alphabet has noel
All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies
Hold on for deer life.
Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental
Sugar and spice make the holidays nice
’Tis the season to sparkle and shine
Happy Holi-yays! Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
My holiday weight gain is in no way an indication of increased jolliness
‘Tis the season to be freezin’
Happy Holidays! Let the bingeing begin!
‘Tis the season to sparkle. Best Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes!!
I like Santa Claus because he only visits once a year. Every guest should follow his example
Be naughty, save Santa the trip.
I want a fat bank account and a slim waist for Christmas this year. You better not mix those two up, Santa!
It’s a good thing Santa didn’t see my browser history
It’s all fun and games ’till Santa checks the naughty list

Conclusion:

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Merry Christmas 2024 Funny Quotes

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